How can I stay present with others?
Jan 14, 2020
How can I stay present when I interact with others? How do I stop disappearing? How do I be with others without getting angry?
These are some of the most frequently asked questions in my recent survey. And quite frankly they are brilliant ones. They infer a depth of caring, awareness and desire to transform into a new pattern and way of being.
They can also be explored in many ways, depending on the depth you wish to go.
I'd love to say: "tune in with Love", "realise you are important" and "what you have to say is important". And that is absolutely true. And it might work for you.
But in truth is I think the answer is more multifaceted. And I think you deserve a deeper answer. It's one I will respond to over several posts (otherwise this would be very long).
For millennia our ancestors have been taught to keep the status quo, put their heads down, don't rock the boat, work hard, be grateful for what you have.
You have deep DNA conditioning to be quiet. Deep genetic fears and memories. Deep genetic and cultural conditioning of how be in relationship. For females that often meant deferring, taking care of others, hiding your own needs; for men that meant taking initiative even if you didn't feel like it, being strong. There are many cultures around that world that were/are firm in that (it was only last year that women on a particular country were allowed to drive).
You probably have ancestors that were killed for their beliefs; harassed or ostracised if they expressed differences to their leader (some of these ancestors may be alive today depending on the country they live in). You also probably had ancestors who were revered for their beliefs and were amazing at speaking out.
With this in the background, you are also feeling the yearning, the pull, to be greater than this. There is a soul yearning to wake up, to remember who we are. To remember what you came to do. It's a yearning that is new (at least on this scale - there have always been people who were interested in this). You probably learning the pathways to know how to do this - we are all creating it as we go.
With the keep-quiet genetic and cultural conditioning floating in your background (even if not consciously) and a yearning to do something different that we culturally haven't seen before, it's not surprising that you have times of reacting in a way that you wished you hadn't or want to know how to do things differently.
So for starters please be gentle with yourself.
Give yourself time to learn, practice.
When you do something you wished you hadn't go easy. When a baby is learning to walk you encourage it when it falls down, you get excited when it stands and takes those wobbly steps. And you cuddle it when it gets tired. Please gift yourself the same approach - encourage yourself, when you "fall" its ok - you can give it another go next time.
Remind yourself you are overcoming years of conditioning and its ok if it doesn't happen first time.
From a really compassionate place ask yourself what you need. And ask yourself how old you are. This might sound like a weird question. Your brain probably wants to answer with your age. But actually the part of you that needs help might be from when you were a little child watching how your parents did things.
Remember your programming is trying to keep you safe. It might need some help to know that its possible to speak your truth, be present and be seen.
Tune in and ask what you are learning from this and what your soul is needing you to learn.
Give yourself permission to practice.
Love yourself. It is so awesome that you are listening to the nudge to transform.
I honour you on this journey.
Much Love to you