Take imperfect action to step beyond the invisible barriers
Jan 08, 2020
I had an awesome conversation with someone yesterday about goal setting for the next few years. We are both yearning to step and grow in similar ways. Both exploring skills we need to learn so that we can stretch into this and make it a reality.
Then we started talking about what has held us back up to now. Similar things for both of us. The old pattern of keeping small.
When you have honest conversation with yourself, really going deep into the honest truth of what holds you back, can you feel yourself heat up or go into shivers? Or find all sorts of reasons to distract yourself, maybe feel sick or suddenly aches or pains appear?
You may find yourself cancelling appointments that can push you out of your comfort zone. You may avoid looking into the deep things and go back to being comfortable.
It feels good for a while, but the deal is - thats where you end up staying. "Comfortable" is where you are now and but is that really the "comfortable" where you want to be a few years down the track?
As I was getting ready to write this, I was reminded of the Jim Carry movie "The Trueman Show". Jim's character feels a yearning a curiosity for more, questions his reality, gets surrounded by resistance and then backs down - goes back to the "comfortable" reality he's used to. But that yearning keeps coming up, and that comfortable is not really truely comfortable. This repeats until eventually he steps through it.
If you watch this clip you'll see a character who perceives himself as the father. As you listen to it, imagine that he represent the blocks, the boundaries, the genetic and cultural ideas of who they think you need to be and how they think you need to live. When you see Jim's character walk through the door imagine him choosing to step beyond their limitations. I find it really powerful to watch.
One interesting reaction I've had to that scene is wondering what will happen to him once he steps forward. How will he find a new normal? Then I realised this was one of the old patterns for staying "comfortable" - fear of the unknown and how to deal with it. Part of an old pattern of needing to know everything and be fully prepared before you start. Again an old belief.
Like you, I've had plenty of times where I've held myself back. In work for years I held back the knowing there was more. Even when my brain tumour "spontaneously went into remission" I held back the yearning to learn more - out of fear. Out of the belief that others knew better than me; Of what others would think, what the profession would think (spoiler alert - I chose to leave the profession rather than stay limited by their fears).
In spite of evidence to the contrary I held onto those old beliefs, like a child clinging to its mother, too scared to walk.
Until one day, the nudge was so strong I realised I couldn't actually be me, grow into who I was, unless I listened to the nudge and guidance within it. I decided to follow the belief that the universe has my back. That everything is conspiring to help me. So with gulping and courage, and a (then) supportive husband, I stepped up. Much like Jim walking through the door.
And oh, what a journey. I had no idea what was going to unfold, but what emerged is the most amazing journey, impact on peoples lives, a freer life for me, and opportunities I would have never known existed.
I'm now needing to remind myself of this as more blocks and barriers are to be revealed and released.
So where are you holding yourself back? Where are you keeping yourself comfortable? Are you even aware there could be more for you. More of you?
How 'bout gifting yourself some time today to dream. Dream of what you really really want.
Then start listening to the ideas, messages, self chatter that slowly ebbs it away. Listening out of curiosity rather than believing them. They are the little indicators of the boundaries you have around you.
It's a first step and that's always a great place to start.
Much Love to you,